5/28/00 4:47 am
I'm not sure how this is supposed to
feel, but it's strangely neutral. I refer to my now dangerously large
loss against -----, which was increased today by another twenty-four
points. My net worth is now just below -$4k, about where it was before
the big win against -----. Now I've paid off S and all my credit cards,
fine, but I owe the club something obscene... nearly seven thousand
dollars. I can't remember owing anybody that much ever, except my student
loans. Whew. This is not what I expected. But I refuse to
panic or get upset about it. What's the worst this could mean? That
things stay more or less the same in my life for another year or so, and how
bad is that? I'm not so unhappy where I am. This does, however,
force me to reconsider the terms under which I may allow myself to "go
freelance," meaning $10k as a bankroll just doesn't seem to cut it, if I'm
going to be giving action this big, which I certainly ever will be inclined to
do, having tasted it once already. $10k wouldn't even be enough to
bankroll a $50s game. "A THOUSAND bets," the
consummate player of games Mike Senkiewicz is quoted as having recommended to a
young entrepreneur. That would make it a hundred grand for me,
sadly. If I had that much money I doubt I'd be very interested in
gambling.
Return to Guinea Pig C: what can this young man, without finances or assets and naught but a mediocre brain and a few good ideas, do for the benefit of omnihumanity and himself while retaining his sanity and keeping to a spiritual path?
Quit drinking would seem to be first on the list. Continue with computer programming - make more time for it. Daily walking and meditation are important too. I recall feeling that all I needed to do were walk, meditate, and work and the rest would take care of itself. I have been slipping up a bit in that department.
I stuck my head into the bucket of shit know as MP3 yesterday and today. Without instruction, I downloaded Napster, a CD ripper / jukebox program, and have now converted all of my private musical works on CD to MP3, ready for distribution in this weightless, temperatureless, sizeless format. I have yet to discern the audible effects of whatever compression algorithms are used, but considering I've listened to MP3 only on my Compaq Presario 1255's built-in speakers, this is not very surprising.
The birds are chirping - dawn - I've
got a tournament to play in soon - must rest, must sleep - letting Image
carousel pick out random porno pictures for me while I stroke myself tired....