"Simplify my life..." Does
that, Chasterus, include bizarre working hours?
Does that, dear Sir, entail the
necessity for drink that you so often display?
OK, OK, so I worked Monday night
through till Tuesday morning 8 AM, enjoyed what was mine (a 2-1/2 hour nap and
a shower - water therapy), and went in to work another 7 hours, then, being
duly discharged from my duties there, went home, "relaxed" (drank two
glasses of wine, ate, and played poker), and by 8:30 was on my way to view the
fireworks display. All understandable, and usual. However, what is
it that possesses me to wake with a start at 4:10 AM, having gone to bed
fully exhausted and sleep deprived not four hours before? And what .....
NO! STOP!! LEAVE ME BE!! I AM BUSY RELAXING, GET THIS F.ING JOURNAL OUT
OF MY SIGHT!!!!
waiting for fireworks that never came blackshrouded woman at a pay phone corrupted solitude machine why pay? give me your heart mines the liquor cabinet the stars the debauchery i attest give me back to myself stink up the whole floor it's not in the looking forever blackened like the grape collusive efforts snide remarks in utter quijiongularities don't read this again, it's not for reading, it's for writing, for squeezing out, extruding, like feces, funny pumper of life. soliloquy, does it matter if i spell the words right? if my grammar is korrekt? hmmm must learn French, must learn to type. any typing programs out thereaaa? like space invaders he wonders.
All i can think is "I have to quit drinking. I have to quit drinking."
Then of course I get up to see what's left in the liquor cabinet.... hmm... another whole liter of Ricard for next summer... I could make it very simple: in America, NO ALCOHOL. In Europe: Alkohol wie gewohnt. Simple. Easy to stick to. Light at the end of the tunnel. Europe lends itself wonderfully to alcohol abuse, especially Germany. America also, but it seems like there are ghosts here, omnipresent, who do not condone the use of intoxicants.
Need three of nine to come up, too much to ask for. I love writing in secret code. When will I ever feel like sleeping? I am hooked to this machine, it is my nipple, I suckle. I am tired. Oh, believe me on that one. So why can't I do more than lie in bed and have funky dreams?
Blast it! I see now I had an
appointment for 1 o'clock this afternoon... computer training for -----.
I can never get one of those damn appointments to happen. I can't keep
this one... I would have called it off yesterday, had I remembered. Oh,
well, what shall I do? I must either swear to keep those appointments I
make outside the club OR allow for overtime gaming as necessary. Not
both. xxxx some weird "write over" function had me going mad
earlier, had to hold down the insert key in order to edit normally. how
did i activate this darned function? thankfully it's inactive now.